there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Randomize
