Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Vodka?
Forever.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
