flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
