and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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