Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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