I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Someone signed my nipple.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
