remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
i black out too much to be "responsible"
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
