I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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