I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
