pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
