Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
