Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
