im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
