if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
