How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
