i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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