Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
