11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
