i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
