You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
