I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
