I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
How external is "for external use only"?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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