Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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