Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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