Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
