You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
