I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
