I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
