he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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