am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I am midnight drunk by noon
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
