it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
