i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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