Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
