I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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