it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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