and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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