you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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