Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
