so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
