if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
