This is not my ceiling
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
try to milk me bitch
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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