My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
