is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
