Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
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