maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
