It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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