He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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