Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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