if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
