Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
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