Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
